It seems like the whole country is grieving. Maybe even the whole world. Grieving the loss of our sense of security and safety. Grieving a loss of connection. In the U.S., it seems that we’ve lost touch with our humanity and dignity.
It’s not that we’re innocents when it comes to loss. Tragedy, illness, and injustice are realities we know are there. Death isn’t something new to any of us.
About three years ago, my father-in-law had a fall during a lake vacation. My daughters were in their mid twenties. Their grandparents have always been a big part of their lives. Their “Papa” is very precious to them.
When Papa fell, the whole family hovered around him. Concerned about the possibility of a fracture, we called EMS to check him out. As my older daughter and I sat him up, he winked at me. I knew he was going to be ok.
Photo by Helen Bauer, The Heart of Hospice
At the end of day, my girls sat on the dock without talking, watching the sun go down. They were somber and reflective. The silent sheepdogs of my family joined them, one by one. Father, uncle, fiance all standing guard. Watching over them in recognition of their grief.
Because it was grief. They didn’t know it at the time. A loss of innocence, anticipation that their tall, quiet grandfather would age and decline. He would move up to and through his death. They will lose him some day.
It’s a part of growing older, this awareness of how things will change. Grief becomes part of who we are. It accumulates as we age. Grief becomes entwined with our memories and shadows our futures.
And the sheepdogs.? They’re real. Strong quiet family members who come alongside us when we didn’t even know we needed them. Friends who turn up at just the right time. Healthcare professionals who witness our ugliest, most fragile moments and keep showing up. Hospice team members who stand witness to our loved ones’ last moments and our first drowning waves of grief.
Look for the sheepdogs in your life during this time of collective grief. They’re out there. The “helpers” that Fred Rogers talked about on Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood are real. Look for the helpers. Grief becomes tolerable when we support each other. Your journey is not forgotten. We’re walking this path together.
No matter who you are, or where you are in your hospice journey, you are The Heart of Hospice.