As I write this on April 7, 2019, people all over the U.S. are getting their taxes finished and sending them in to the IRS. Taxes aren’t actually due until April 15 but maybe you like to get it done early.
Photo by Helen Bauer, The Heart of Hospice
Ever heard the old saying “If you’re on time, you’re late. If you’re early, you’re on time.”? It’s not a good idea to procrastinate when it comes to filing your taxes. You might as well get the job done.
There’s another saying – “Nothing is sure but death and taxes.” Not exactly a happy thought. But I get it. If you have to do it anyway, why not be prepared? Be proactive. Do the work up front. Get it out of the way.
I’m writing this blog 9 days before Tax Day. Waiting until next Sunday’s blog to talk about this seems like procrastination. That’s only two days before the taxes are due. Tax return prep (at least for me) takes way longer than a couple of days.
But this isn’t a blog about doing your taxes. It’s about end of life, and that includes having conversations about end of life wishes. And death. If you’re waiting to have those dreaded conversations with your family until you’re in the middle of the need, you’ll have waited too long. It takes more than just a couple of days to think over those decisions and the best way to communicate them. You need time to think it over when things aren’t hectic and you’re not in a health crisis.
If you’re on time, you’re late. If you know it’s a done deal that you’re going to die – (and it is) – then why wait?
Here’s what I know about putting off discussion about your end of life wishes and your death.
It’s going to make things harder for your loved ones, increasing their emotional burden
You might experience delays in care, have more pain, and undergo unnecessary procedures that you don’t want
Somebody else is going to make decisions that should have been yours
You could miss out on dying in the place that you choose
That last one might not seem like a big deal. Maybe you’d feel safer dying in a hospital where there’s supportive medical care. Maybe you’d rather not leave the memory of your death at home with your family who will continue to live there. However, there are times when patients die alone in skilled nursing facilities. Patients have been known to die during ambulance transport. I am not a fan of this; it seems sad and a little cruel to me.
I hope you can sense what I’m trying to communicate about this subject. People should have their end of life wishes honored. That can’t happen if you never communicate those wishes to begin with.
National Healthcare Decisions Day is April 16, the day after taxes are due. You don’t need a special day to have conversations about your end of life wishes, but you can use NHDD as a reminder to get started. It takes more than one conversation, and it needs to be in writing. Talk to your doctor(s), talk with your family or whoever you want to make decisions for you. Discuss it. Write it. Make it legal.
If you tell your designated decision maker what you want, the job of managing your healthcare needs becomes easier for them. You already made the choices – they’ll just be following your directions. Easing the burden of making your decisions will give them space to do what they need to do – grieve.
Just make sure you tell someone what those choices are. Start now. You can check out the NHDD and The Conversation Project websites for ways to get the job done. Remember – we always think it’s too early until it’s too late.